On Being The Friend Who Always Makes The First Move

Feel like you’re that friend who always makes the plans? Or always sends the first chat message? Are you that friend who broaches ideas and makes the plans to meet? This role certainly comes with pros and cons!

Friend Who Always Makes the first move effort

Pro – You’re always in on the plan.

Con –It takes A LOT of your time and energy if you’re always the plan maker.


Pro – You know you’ll enjoy the plan.

Con – You’re constantly worried in case not everyone is enjoying it, and you end up feeling responsible if they’re not.


Pro – When you reach out to lots of friends you’re showing them you care.

Con – But does that mean it’s one-sided? How many people would reach out to you if you didn’t reach out to them first?


Hmm… it takes effort to make the plans and make sure people stay in touch, but less to be a passenger friend – one who’s just along for the ride. It’s not a pleasant thought, but it could be one worth considering. Try not always being the one to reach out first and wait to see if they contact you. If they really care, then they will contact you.

The upside of doing this is that you may get to keep more of your energy and someone else could plan for a change. The downside if you do this, you need to be prepared to potentially lose contact with a few friends. Overall it’ll probably be a positive though, as it means you’ll know you have true friends who really care about you, and more time and energy to invest in those relationships.

(N.B. It’s also worth noting that a few may be true friends, but may not be great at talking on certain platforms and on social media. However, you probably already know who these people are and know that it’s not you they’re not friends with – it’s technology.)